When I train managers as coaches I always warn them to respect the power of coaching questions and to recognize the possibility that what starts as an innocuous, business related conversation, may lead to the unveiling of a deeper issue. Coaching managers would be advised to develop at least a little psychological awareness. Consider for example, society's changing attitudes and practices with regard to sexual activity.

Let's firstly consider the pioneering work of some of the early writers and researchers in the field.

Havelock Ellis, working in the Victorian era, wrote mainly concerning the need to understand the sex lives of 'normal' people, as opposed to so called deviants. Also writing at this time was Sigmund Freud, perhaps the most well known of all psychoanalysts, whose albeit controversial theories of human sexuality are still prevalent today.

Alfred Kinsey is credited with bringing scientific research methods and objectivity to the field, whilst the groundbreaking work of Masters and Johnston in the 1970's precipitated the birth of the sex therapy industry.

Let's now go on to look at the more common 'abnormal' sexual practices:

Transsexualism

It is important to note that transsexuals do not simply seek gratification by dressing like the opposite sex (transvestism); they believe that they are actually members of the opposite sex trapped as it were, in the wrong body.

Paedophilia

Predominantly male, and generally attracted to the opposite sex, paedophiles desire sexual gratification with a prepubescent child. Of all the sexual deviancies, paedophilia is understandably the most widely condemned because the 'between consenting adults' argument can never be made.

Sadism & Masochism

Sadists enjoy domination and achieve sexual arousal through inflicting real pain on their partner, who may or may not submit willingly to it, whereas masochists enjoy submissiveness and often enjoy being humiliated and hurt by their sexual partners.

Fetishism

A fetish is a sexual obsession with inanimate objects, typically female clothing, and fetishists can become aroused by the seemingly bizarre. Consider the real-life case of a man arrested after being discovered trying to make love to a paving stone.

There is also:

Transvestism, i.e. cross dressing
Exhibitionism, commonly known as 'flashing'
Voyeurism, i.e. being a peeping tom

With the obvious exception of Paedophilia, society's attitudes towards these practices are softening as long as no real harm comes to people who would prefer not to be involved. As I write, there is a television programme featuring a team of dating experts trying to assist a gay man in finding a relationship. Perhaps as little as 5 years ago such a programme would not have been made.

What then of the coaching manager who uncovers signs that these considerations may be causing problems at work? Best advice would seem to be to keep to good coaching principles. Ask questions designed to raise awareness, generate responsibility and build trust then listen carefully and attentively to the responses. This is highly unlikely to make things worse and may actually do quite a lot of good.

After that, it's a question of referring the coachee to the relevant professional. For this reason I recommend that all coaching managers familiarize themselves with their organization's welfare procedure.